Hmm. Not much to say really. My mother left yesterday for India; the house is quieter without her, although now that my father and I have picked up all her day-to-day chores, I realize just how much she does for me and for all of us every single day of her life. It's kind of exhausting and rather guilt-inducing, to tell you the truth. I feel like an ungrateful wretch. Is this what being a parent is like? Doing things constantly for other people that you don't enjoy doing, but sticking with them because you care? Crikey. My parents really do take care of a ton of things. I can't even manage my own finances let alone dust the wainscoting.

Yesterday I heard from one of my old bosses about the exchange she had with one of my interviewers at PUP, from which I gleaned that everyone thought I was reserved and shy. Just terrific. This is the one country in the world where being reserved and choosing not to sound like a self-aggrandizing tool is a fault. 

Sometimes I think I need classes on believing in myself. But there's so little claim for self-validation at the moment that it all becomes a vicious cycle. This girl Eva from my Spanish class - she's really great. She told me that all the hard work I put in during college would pay off, it wouldn't be wasted in the end. Because at the end of the day, that's how I've begun to feel: that I made the stupid decision in studying what I did, and that any work I did was worthless because it didn't lead me to a job. I'm not saying I want to work in banking. Nor do I sincerely think that my relationships with my professors, my knowledge of art history and literature, my work with KK on my thesis are things I would sacrifice. But I never planned ahead enough, and took a lot of things for granted about my future. They don't prepare you to make real-life decisions in "Baroque Italian Art," that's for sure.